


At the light of dawn

by theleftboobgrabber



Series: Tumblr fics [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s02e10, Hurt Magnus, M/M, So much angst, sort of, soul sword
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 14:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10111346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theleftboobgrabber/pseuds/theleftboobgrabber
Summary: He runs, not knowing how long he has with Magnus, enough to say sorry? enough to kiss him one last time? enough to hold him, to make him understand how much he means to Alec? Not knowing is wrecking him...





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea and no excuse

Alec finds Magnus just outside the Institute, sitting on a bench with his face turned to the sun, eyes closed and looking strangely peaceful considering that the entire downworld -him included- is about to be destroyed. Alec himself has been panicking since dawn, since Jace called him to announce that Simon had been kidnapped and used as bargaining chip against Clary.

And Clary is Clary after all… she’s going do what _she_ thinks is best, and damn the consequences.

"Magnus!" he calls, disturbing the silence in the park. He runs, not knowing how long he has with Magnus, enough to say sorry? enough to kiss him one last time? enough to hold him, to make him understand how much he means to Alec? Not knowing is wrecking him...

Alec always worried that he was going to hurt Magnus in the long run, that he would grow old in a blink of an eye and turn to dust, leaving Magnus to mourn and forget him.

He never, ever, imagined that he might outlive Magnus. It's- no. No. Magnus is a force of nature, he can’t just disappear and leave Alec. No.

Magnus opens his eyes and casts a curious look to Alec, frowning.

"Magnus," he stops in front of him, wanting nothing more to get him in his arms and never let go but he screwed up, he _shouted_ at Magnus, he accused him of something only Aldertree is responsible for. He has no right to touch Magnus right now or seek comfort. "I'm so, so sorry," he says, voice breaking.

He apologizes for everything with his words. His behaviour; the fact that Clary decided that Simon was more important than the entire downworld, even if he's going to die too when Morgenstern forces her to touch the Soul Sword; the way they're always expecting Magnus to help them;  that he's about to get murdered for something he can't control.

Magnus blinks, once, twice, chuckles and looks away. "You don't have to do this, Alexander."

"This?"

"The whole, 'you're going to die so I have to make things good between us before that happens'... I'm not really in a mood to deal with your guilty conscience,” Magnus sneers. "That and the fact I'm not dying. Not today at least."

Alec never heard Magnus sounds so bitter -so tired. He did that, thoughtless and angry at the wrong person, _always_ at the wrong person... He hurt him and-

"Wait. Did-did you find a way for the Soul Sword not to hurt anyone?" he asks, brain freezing with hope.

Magnus laughs at that, an ugly sound, chillings Alec to the bone.

"I'm not a miracle worker,” he spats, and here again with the bitterness, the allusion at being used without so much as a thank you. “No. they're all going to die. Well, perhaps Tessa has enough angel blood from her unruned shadowhunter mother to survive the worst of it. Perhaps the Spiral Labyrinth will protect the warlocks that could portal there. Perhaps the Seelies will live, hidden in their grove. But the wolves and the vampires are doomed."

Luke and Raphael. Luke… god, Luke is probably the only adult Alec can respect right now -never mind that he is an adult too, technically… and he might still be chewing on the fact that Raphael is as much as a victim as Izzy, that doesn’t mean he wants the vampire to die. Or any other downworlders.

"But you..." he says, incapable of understanding where Magnus is going.

"I have more angel blood than you, Alexander. I probably have more angel blood than Clary. That's what you get when the _person_ that raped your mother is a fallen angel…” his voice cracks, and he closes his eyes, just a second. “I'll live... I'll probably should send a champagne bottle to hell after this is over..." and with that, the last piece of control fades from Magnus’s face and tears fall freely from his eyes.

Alec is rooted to the ground, feeling like he's just been punched.

"I'm glad," he hears himself say. Shit, that's not what he wanted to say. "I'm- I'm not sad you're going to live. And I did not apologize to clean my conscience... I just didn't want you to die thinking that you weren't loved."

Magnus doesn't react and keeps crying, so Alec lets him, sits on the ground in front of him and takes one of his bejeweled hands in his calloused one.

"Because I do, Magnus. I do even if you live tomorrow and all the days after that, not just when I thought you were going to die or because I screwed up so much I can't have you anymore -I’m an asshole and I don’t deserve you.”

Magnus' breath catches and he forces his eyes closed, like it can protect him from what Alec is saying. He opens his mouth, to say something, to shout, to curse Alec perhaps but he'll never know because there's a sudden flash of light, lighting fast and a heavy rumble.

_Thunder._

And then the sky is burning, raining gold fire on everything and everyone. The second Alec is hit, he feels the world distorts, expands and contracts in places, tearing him apart, forcing him out of-

The entire universe freezes.

Alec breathes -wait, tries to breath but in that sliver of frozen time, there is no need. And he doubts that his soul has lungs. Because that's what's been unfolded: his soul. He never actually believe he had one. The concept was foreign even if he knew, intellectually, that everyone got one. But he never felt it in his heart.

Now he can. He's huge and whole, edged with red tipped golden feathers and he feels everything, from that parabatai rune shaped link to Jace, to Isabelle's laugh and how soft Max's hair was when he was a baby and sleeping in his arms. He feels his duty and bruised knuckles, the way he puts everyone before him and the hurts that he lets linger because he deserves them.

He relives through the pains of trying to cut neat pieces of him to please his parents and the Clave, the scabs still peppering the fabric of his soul... And the places that are thriving, growing, expanding and finally living, free of restraints.

And then he sees it. Feels it. Everywhere. A perfect storm of blue sparks and lighting, swirling inside him, making the red tipped golden feather of his soul quiver, tremors running to his core, a healthy whirlwind of emotions. Magnus. Magnus' mark on his soul, there to stay. Beautiful.

His moment of contemplation is shattered when the heavenly fire sips in his soul, searching, searching, wounding around every specks of his being before leaving without hurting him.

Alec is suddenly terrified.

 _Magnus_. Magnus sounded so sure when he said he was going to live and in his panic Alec dives into himself, his soul probing at Magnus' mark, trying, begging him to be okay.

He's shoved through the connection before he can think twice about it, incapable of comprehending what's before him.

Magnus is gigantic. If the perfect storm inside Alec is beautiful, Magnus' soul is awe inspiring, Lighting and strong wind, fire and power raging inside a tornado.

Distantly, Alec feels pain in the storm, currents of absolute and never ending suffering, running side by side with joy and peace. 400 years of life and everything Magnus is and lived through; everyone he hated and loved; each loss and need...

And at the middle of it, in the darkest cloud, two cat-like yellow eyes. But even like this, without expressions to rely on, Alec can tell they're not Magnus'... his father's. The fallen angel. The realization makes Alec uncomfortable all over. He loves Magnus' real eyes but those... it's not like the mark that Magnus left on his soul, or the way his family is carved all over him. This isn't a consequence of closeness and affection or pain, this is an _invasion_ . This is someone meticulously trying to take over, trying to _consume_.

And there, juste there, in a violent current of wind, in a storm within the storm, Alec sees them. Red tipped golden feathers, gently dangling in a soft breeze as if insensible to the tornado they’re in. His own mark on Magnus' soul. Some feathers drift away from the main cluster, calm following them around, just like Magnus' sparks galvanizes Alec's soul.

The heavenly fire attacks. It's brutal and quick, piercing the clouds and riding the winds of Magnus' soul, deep to his father's eyes, burning them out instantly.

Alec hears the scream with his human ears, far away but still shattering. He's shoved back in his body then, air punched out of him, everything he is forced to fold back in a human sized shape, emotions raw and happening all at once, screaming, crying, laughing.

The first intake of air is a painful, burning. So is the second and the third and all of them after that.

It takes minutes, hours, days, years, lifetimes to calm down, for his soul to stop squirming at the slightest sensation.

Opening his eyes helps, grounding him in the physical world.

"Mag'us?" he calls. "Ma-Magnus?"

He's right beside him, fallen from the bench, curled up in fetal position. He's breathing. God _he's breathing_ and Alec could weep with- no, he _is_ weeping with joy and relief.

"Magnus?" he tries again, crawling around Magnus so he can see him.

His eyes are burned out right out of his skull. Alec can only throw up at the sight.

 

*

Alec's memories are fuzzy after that. He carried Magnus inside the Institute and to the infirmary, that he knows.

When he wakes up -he can't remember falling asleep-  the Institute is barely standing. Everyone is shell shocked, reeling from the soul punch they all got. Nothing works. Not the phones, the screens, the captors... Magnus' wards are down, probably burned out like his eyes by heavenly fire.

Fire messages don’t works, probably disturbed by so much angelic magic in the air.

Isabelle arrives a few hours later, raw looking skin, sunburned and cracked. Her mind is clear for the first time since Aldertree gave her the yin fen, she says... Burned out corpses are littering the streets. Not a lot, but enough. The mundanes are talking about sun flares, but no one can be sure. Alec is tired. He can feel Jace alright, so he’s not worried. He probably looks like Isabelle, demon blood burned out of him and red skin to show for it.

Magnus is still asleep. Izzy does what she can for him, painkillers and cleaning the wounds. Alec sits by his side, that's all there is to do.

That’s from where he gives his instructions for some shadowhunters to go patrol, even if he knows they won’t find anything. At least that will keep them occupied. Aldertree is nowhere to be find and Alec is glad, even if the man will have to face justice to what he did to Izzy eventually.

Alec frowns when his mother enters the infirmary a day later, not sure how she got here so quickly.  She and the Inquisitor portaled inside the Institute, dressed for war and accompanied by an entire guard of shadowhunters, Raj tells him before Maryse can open her mouth.  The news makes him want to punch his hands raw, to give in the hysteria that struggle to come to the surface… New York was the only place affected by heavenly fire (Herondale says _cleansed_ and Alec leaves the room, not caring how that looks like and goes back to the infirmary where Magnus is still unconscious).

Jace storms the Institute with Clary, Simon, Luke and Madzie in tow some times later, Alec isn’t sure how long. Jace is untouched, not a scorch hair on him. People stare, because that’s all they do. Luke is fine but Simon can walk in the sun for some reason now -Alec is barely listening.

Madzie runs to Magnus' bed and refuses to move so Alec gets her something to eat and puts blanket around her shoulder. Otherwise than that, or her being silent as a tomb, she seems fine. Her hurt is inside, Alec knows.

The only one that has been affected is Clary. Her runes faded. Just some at first, Jace says, just looking a bit pale and then disappearing all at once, leaving faint scars behind. Luke’s running theory is that her angel blood burned right out to fueled the Soul Sword but it wasn’t enough apparently to rain down heavenly fire anywhere else than in the immediate vicinity of the sword. She's a mundane now, probably. It’s not like they can risk putting a rune on her now to check...

Madzie portaled Luke and Simon out of New York, a little girl attempt at protecting them even if she couldn't have know that Valentine's plan wouldn't quite work. She just grabbed them and ran away.

Herondale isn’t pleased with the mess and orders extensive blood work on Jace and Clary to determine why he isn’t dead and how someone can be robbed from her angel blood. Someone should have done that awhile ago Alec thinks, because the old bat nearly gets a heart attack when she realizes that the shadowhunter in front of her, the one she treated like a blight ever since she met him, is her grandson.

Not Valentine's son and _not_ Clary's brother.

Alec feels his parabatai hurt at the news... not Clary's brother. The news would have been heaven sent a few weeks back. But now Clary moved on and Simon looks like all his insecurities are brimming to the surface, probably thinking that Clary is going to dump him now that she can get Jace. Clary is obviously pissed that he thinks that. Think it herself, probably. Jace just feels terrified and tired and keeps to the infirmary, forcing some food in both Alec and Madzie.

Magnus still doesn't wake up and when the warlocks come back from the Spiral Labyrinth, Catarina and Tessa insist to take Magnus back to his loft.

Alec follows. So does Madzie and Jace.

Tessa worries more than she helps and Catarina sends her away. Alec likes this no nonsense attitude. He tries not to think about that if Magnus had gone with them, in hiding, he would be fine.

 

*

Magnus wakes up in increment, cold and feeling like shit.

He knows that something isn’t right when he tries to open his eyes but… he screams. Screams until his voice gives out; until Alec? Yes, Alec runs to his side and wounds his arms around him, rocking him and soothing words to his ear; until he screams himself to exhaustion.

No magic, Magnus thinks. No eyes and no magic, burned right out of him.

That takes some times to get used to. At least that what he says to Madzie so she’s not too upset. Alec isn’t fooled, though.

Navigating his loft is a torture, snapping his fingers without result like a punch to the guts and feeling so helpless is disgusting. Alec is unbearable, always nice, always mindful of Magnus’ mood and pain. They fight so much, Jace needs to intervene or take Madzie out for ice cream when it happens.

They fight about Raphael, who can’t be found and is probably dead; they fight about the shadowhunters and their fucking privileges; about Alec helping Magnus to eat or telling him what color his shirt is and needing him around to get outside.

Magnus wants to go out there and find Valentine, who’s still at large with that bloody cup so he can put his head on a fucking spike for all the things he did, but he can’t. He’s _useless_. Alec tries to tell him otherwise and Magnus snaps, ordering him to go, to leave and not to come back.

He does.

Magnus is satisfied, wants to shouts ‘ _aha!_ ’ at the door because he knew it, he just knew that everyone would leave now that there isn’t anything he can do for them. He can’t be their pet warlock so he doesn’t mean shit to them.

Madzie portals herself out of the loft the moment she realized what happened, dragging Alec back with her less than a minute later. Then she storms to her room, closing the door with a bang and damn, Magnus is glad that there is some time before they get the full teenage experience with her.

“You can’t keep doing this, Magnus.”

Alec sounds disgustingly reasonable and Magnus bites his tongue not to say so, not to point out that he’s not the one who paid for Valentine’s hatred and Clary’s recklessness. But that wouldn’t be fair, and Magnus said it before… he doesn’t want to sound like a broken record.

“Then stop doing-” Magnus doesn’t even know what to say, he can’t think of something that he genuinely hates Alec for.

“Doing what? Taking care of you?”

“You shouldn't have come back with Madzie,” he says. He’s not upset that Alec came back, to the contrary. No, he’s upset that he was forced to do it.

There’s long pause and Magnus hates everything because he doesn’t know what’s going on, can’t gauge how pissed, sad or uncaring Alec is without seeing him.

“You really still believe that, don’t you?”

“Believe what?” God, it’s nearly a shout and Magnus winces at the violence he might let out if he doesn’t get a hold on himself.

“ _That I’m going to leave you_ ,” Alec spats but he sounds like he’s crying.

“You… left,” Magnus points out, not unkindly. He wants to wave toward the door, but he’s not sure where it is -he’s just so tired.

“I went outside to breath, Mags. She literally portaled me from the front door of the building. I told you, I’m not leaving. I love you.”

Magnus flinches. The last time he heard those words it was just before the heavenly fire rained down on them, just before he lost everyth- no, saying that wouldn’t be fair either. He hasn’t said it back yet, doesn’t know if he can. But he feels it. Even if it hurts, even if it brings back a vulnerability that he swore he would never let out in the light of day again.

He loves Alexander too much to accuse him of lying.

“This is more than you bargained for,” he says at last.

Alec snorts, the sound far closer than Magnus expected. “I didn’t bargain anything Magnus. I’m still trying to get how I got so lucky,” he says.

Magnus wants to object but Alec continues: “Can I hug you?”

And what kind of question is that? What kind of atmosphere has been brewing between them that Alec fear rejection to that simple demand? Magnus is so tired.

“Come here.”

Alec is on him in a second, mashing their bodies together like he’s trying to fuse them for good and Magnus doesn’t mind, melting in the warmth and the closeness, feeling whole, not because he’s in Alec’s arms, but because Alec isn’t touching him like he’s made of fragile glass.

“You asked me not to push you away when things get crazy, Magnus. I’m asking- no. I’m begging you to do the same. To trust me.”

A second, passes, an eternity. Magnus’ mind is full of red tipped golden feather dangling in a gentle breeze.

“Okay,” he promises. “Just… I’m not to be coddled.”

“Noted.”

Magnus doesn’t know how long they stay like this, but when Simon stumbles in the loft shouting for help, Alec shouts back to get the hell out of here.

It’s blissfully calm after that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> If you loved it, kudos and comments are ALWAYS a good way to show it, or consider buying me a [coffee](http://ko-fi.com/theleftboobgrabber/)!
> 
> Feedback is love ❤


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